202020

I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. Even though some times and some days we have to dig a little deeper to understand what lesson is being taught us. I have always tried to follow my own journey and endeavoured to do the best I can in whatever I do.  Sometimes putting unnecessary stress on myself to reach that unobtainable podium of perfection. Over time realizing that just doing my best should be good enough.
At a time when there is so much uncertainty, clarity seems to have found me. Not every day, but it's there.
Maybe at times when the control that you thought you had, leaves you. When all that you have been working for suddenly comes to a stand still. Your immediate goals that you had worked so hard for and believed in every day that were the foundations of your being suddenly evaporate, they are simply taken off the table - you are left in the unknown, like a clean sheet of paper, ready to be rewritten.
Year on year, battle after battle the target was always in sight, the journey of how to reach it was set out with a solid plan to secure what I thought was my security, my success and my happiness only to find myself on another path that even in just a few months has probably shown me riches that I would most likely have missed if my path had not been forced to change.
I have stopped and began to look and listen again. Not just look but really look at what is around me. Just when I thought I was losing everything I seemed to have found so much more, and I feel grateful. 
I have the gift of time to appreciate things more, the simplest things, the really most beautiful things. While my life has changed the world does carry on and it doesn't seem to judge me like I judged myself. The seasons are coming and going with all that they bring to share that I probably missed for too long. I can suddenly hear the song of the birds and the secrets of the trees and look at views that inspire. I have looked at myself and allowed me to be me. Asked myself if I am happy and what do I want? and embraced this crossroads as an opportunity to do more things I enjoy.
I still work hard but it feels like it is more on my terms. I create more, I explore more, I day dream more and I like this new feeling. And with so much uncertainty, one certainty to come clear is love.
I love my husband that bit more, I love our life that bit more, I love the time we have now and our tomorrows to plan together.  I love my daughter with all my heart and my family too and the kindness of friends around us.
I don't know what is ahead and for now I will not overly worry, as today is all we have and I am thankful for being reminded of that and all that it offers. With each new day, I will continue to breathe in and out, feel the flow of life around me and as such I will feel secure and recognise that as a success and take comfort that happiness is not something you can look for but simply decide upon.