Set yourself free

I have found myself all week police-ing myself. That inner voice on a loop reminding me what I should be doing, what I need to be doing with very little regard to want I want to be doing. I'm an advocate of silencing that gremlin in our minds but sometimes it's like you have an officer by your side, moving you along onto the never ending line of jobs and duties. On a bus that keeps going past your stop.  You know you can get off but for some reason you just keep on going.  As a result you end up more stressed, more miserable and probably not doing your best work as your head is fried.
Your short with others around you and most likely being incredibly unsympathetic and mean to yourself.  You wouldn't speak to anyone else that way but some days we are just vile to ourselves. We feel it's us against the world but in reality it's just us against ourselves.  The unrealistic time limits and work loads that we place on ourselves. Putting everything and others so often before our own happiness. Of course, I love doing things for others but some days and we all do it, we just turn into a machine. But even machines need some maintenance if they aren't looked after. 
I found myself today preparing lunch after a busy morning and before I could sit and eat it, I noticed some crumbs on the floor by a radiator along with a cobweb. I could have left it until after lunch but oh no! I had to get the hoover out, then a spray as once I got stuck in I noticed other bits.  As I was doing this and my lunch getting cold, I told myself how ridiculous I was being.  It could have waited or even been left but no, I just couldn't relax and have lunch until the world was how it should be, and that was just for some crumbs! I set my own constraints around my happiness, freedom and hunger. No one was forcing me. I was in a battle with myself and I knew I had to win. Win? What does it even matter. So for the next few days, I am going to remind myself to be kind to myself.  I am going to set my bail at 1 pence, pay it and free myself from this jail I sometimes put myself into and If I'm on the bus I'm going to ring that bell and get off!... the merry go round of life. After all happiness should not be a goal but something you hold close to you whenever you want.